I'm Not Okay
by MissLe
Summary: It was...confusing for her. Be selfish and stay whole...or let herself be happy and fall apart. NaruHina


"Hanabi!" She squealed and ran further into the crowd, desperately shouting for some form of response. She stopped at a crossing path between the food and game stalls. This seemed like a place where her sister would run off to; food and entertainment.

Warily, she walked slowly through the hordes of people, careful not to be stepped on or spotted by her family. She wasn't even supposed to be here, nor her sister for that matter; both had conspired in the wee hours of the night to sneak out weeks before it actually happening...it was important for them.

The festival was booming with excitement and energy, people laughed and shouted happily. Everywhere you looked, there were smiling faces and happy couples creating the majority of the crowd. Hinata hadn't remembered it being so lively before when she had last visited it thirteen years ago. Hanabi hadn't even ever been here before.

Thirteen years...far too long ago.

Taking a deep breath, she calmed and recollected herself, thinking of a suddenly simple solution. How stupid of her. She pressed her fingers together and triggered her Byakugan, searching through the multitudes for the familiar chakra signatures. After what felt too long of seeing more than she really wanted to, she saw Hanabi's tiny figure standing and (what looked like) arguing next to another all too familiar one.

Hinata stumbled back a step and continued staring agape in the direction of stalls where she could now clearly see her sister without the help of Byakugan. What a dilemma. Let her sister loose again and let possibly let her family find out and get locked up for a month or two...or face talking to him.

Well, shit.

Groaning, she pushed aside what little pride was getting in her way and strode purposefully towards her sister. Figures she would go see him. She really oughtn't be surprised. Hanabi loved him like a brother, she had been so mad when Hinata had...had...never mind.

She watched the two now chatter amiably and both throw out enthusiastic comments and gestures; it made her heart twitch strangely. Maybe with regret. She didn't know, but it wasn't a comforting feeling.

Placing her hands firmly on her sister's shoulders, Hinata greeted her, "Hanabi, you can't run away like that, what if another Hyuuga saw us?" She sighed and relaxed her grip on Hanabi's shoulders, "I want to be able to enjoy this festival."

"Hinat-aa." Hanabi whined in her as of late, rebellious teenage voice, "I know what would happen, I'm not stupid." She shook Hinata's grip off of her, "I just wanted to say hi to Naruto, god."

Hinata bit her lip and stared up at the young blond man's face who was staring at the sisters with amusement. He looked incredibly attractive in his casual garb, some how even more than usual, and Hinata noticed how much brighter his hair was from the summer sun.

"Hey there, Hinata." He greeted to her politely and gave her a small smile.

"Hello, Naruto." She whispered back and felt like shrinking into the ground.

"Weeeell," Hanabi whistled and drew out her word, "I think I can see Konohamaru over there! Bye, guys!" She waved good bye to the horrified young woman and nearly amused young man.

"Hanabi!" Hinata called out and attempted to run after her sister, she should've known Hanabi would do something like this…again.

Naruto pulled her back with a gentle tug of the wrist, "I don't think it's considered 'cool' to be followed around by your older sibling. Let her be, let her have her chance to have fun."

She looked up at his blue eyes that suddenly seemed so much more mature and understanding. She wondered if the sudden change of attitude had been recent...or if it had been a slow development she had turned a blind eye to or been unable to recognize.

They stood there in silence for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say before Hinata murmured, "Sorry for having her bother you."

He laughed and leaned against the post next to him, "Naw. Always a pleasure talking with you Hyuuga girls." He gave her a friendly grin, "She's gotten feistier. She's fourteen, right?"

"Yes." She replied and wondered what was preventing her from just walking away from this unbearably uncomfortable situation.

Naruto craned his neck to look over her head and through the crowds. She wondered why he had done that. It wasn't as if he needed to even raise his head to stare over the crowds. He had grown so much from the boy she had obsessed over; he was now a good head and a half taller than her.

He pointed at a stall at the very far end of the path; a smaller, quieter part of the festival, "How about some ramen? I'm sure it's not nearly as good as Ichiraku's...but ramen is ramen." He gave her a cheeky grin that she was all too familiar to her.

With all her mind she wanted to refuse, she didn't want to at all. Being around Naruto was too uncomfortable, too strange. Yet, she still found herself saying, "Okay."

It seemed her heart had a schedule separate from her mind's.

He offered her his arm with a pleasant smile. Hinata stared at him much like a doe being faced with the barrel of a gun. He laughed and retracted his arm, "Sorry." He motioned down the path of people with his arm, "Shall we?"

She supposed she could find Hanabi later. Hinata nodded and followed behind him, letting him part the wave of people. It wasn't a hard task for him to do, not only was he a large man by now, but he was respected. People knew who he was and now no longer shied away in revulsion or fear; they didn't see him as the nine tail anymore, but as the next Hokage to be.

Hinata felt herself crumple in on herself a bit. Here she was, heiress to Konoha's most powerful clan, but few could actually place a name to the face, let alone recognize the face. She was glad that Naruto got all the recognition he deserved his non-stop training and work he had done...she just wished she did too.

She bumped into his back as he stopped abruptly at the stall. He twisted his head to face her, "Sorry."

She rubbed her nose and took a step back, "It's my fault. Don't feel bad."

When he glanced back at her again, his face showed a pained look of mild anger. The look took Hinata by surprise and she felt regret and shame fill her. She took another step back, suddenly regretting her decision to come with him. This had been a bad idea. A terrible one.

His customary smile returned and he tugged her back by the hand, "Come one, I'm starving, I'm sure you are too."

It was true, she was. Hesitantly, she stepped back to him and was surprised when his tug jerked her against his chest. She slowly looked up at him, wondering if it was, hoping it wasn't, intentional.

"Sorry," She could feel the rumble of his voice against his chest. She could feel herself missing that feeling. How long ago had that been?

He pointed at a immensely drunk man lumber past them right where Hinata had been and try to chat up some pretty looking woman. Naruto grimaced and he looked down at the ground, probably remembering Jiraiya.

Hinata could almost see the ache he was feeling ice the air around them, she wanted him to longer feel it. She wanted him to stop suffering for something that had happened years ago. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to be that person again who would make him.

She knew she did, it was getting harder to deny. Her heart ached for him against her own will, it had always. And for that brief moment not long ago at all, it hadn't. It hadn't because it didn't need to, she had had him. But for stupid reasons...she let him go.

The past can't be changed. It hurt her to know that, it hurt her whenever she saw him with other women; it hurt her whenever he smiled at her. It hurt her so bad.

"Let's eat." She stepped away from his hold and pulled him to a stool with her firm and tiny hands.

He smiled at her and held his other arm out before indecisively dropping it, "Alright, Hinata. Let's eat."

They ate in silence, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. She remembered a year ago when they dated and this had been such a normal thing to do...now it seemed so alien. Before, they would sit, talk, eat, and listen; it was never unnerving or boring. His stories were always fantastic and he always had something interesting to say.

Hinata bit her lip to reign in the small tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. So much had changed. Too much had changed.

"So I hear from Hanabi you've acquired jounin status, eh?" Naruto asked, slurping up the last of his broth and noodles. He slapped down a bill and a few coins for the stall keeper who graciously took them.

She took out a bill too, but was stopped by Naruto's large hand placing hers back into her small pouch. "Don't worry about it; I already paid for your half." He grinned at her, whiskered face lifting, "My treat."

She was about to protest when he pushed her along gently by the small of her back, "Anyways, let's celebrate your new status then!" He laughed raucously and led her to another stand that seemed to be selling sake.

"Naruto," She stopped walking and waited for him to turn around expectantly, "I...I don't want to get drunk tonight, which is what evidently will happen if I have any alcohol."

"I forgot you were a lightweight..." Naruto mused, probably remembering that one time he had seen her drunk. Hinata had blocked that memory out of her mind. It hadn't been pretty.

He turned around to a different stall and pointed excitedly, "Sparklers! We'll have sparklers!" He dragged her over to it and quickly purchased two sparkler sticks.

Hinata stayed quiet the whole time, enjoying the childish innocence rolling off of Naruto in waves. She missed that too. He was currently looking down at the sparklers, then up at a quiet and empty hill with a single, large tree strung up with decorative lanterns not too far.

"Let's light them up there." And without even waiting for her proper reply, he pulled her along in a run towards it that ended in a sprinting race across rooftops.

She threw her arms around the trunk of the tree once she had reached it and leaned all of her weight against it. Naruto had beat her, that wasn't something she had ever doubted would happen, but it had still been fun. She looked up at him and gave him the first smile he had seen from her to him since their relationship had ended.

"You win," She said, breathing heavier than usual.

"Don't tell me you're tired already." He teased.

"It's not easy keeping up to the man who is undoubtedly going to be the next Hokage." She managed to keep her breathing under control and straighten herself up from the tree.

He handed her the suddenly lit sparkler, "Congratulations on being upgraded from chunnin."

She held it in her hand loosely, then gripped it and ran around in circles, giggling like a child and watching the sparks fly and fall. "They're like miniature fireworks, aren't they?"

"Yeah," He agreed, but Hinata couldn't help how distracted he looked as he said that and stared dully at his sparkler. She stopped her circles and stared at him watching his sparkler die.

He must've sensed her staring and asked quietly, "Hinata, why did you break up with me?"

The question caught her way off guard and she stumbled closer to him, crouching down to the ground. She hadn't prepared for this moment. Ever. She had just plan to avoid him with all her might. "Because I'm selfish. You have no idea just how selfish I really am." She said with no real belief that this reason would fly well.

"You broke up with me...you broke up with me because you were...selfish?" He gripped the sparkler tighter until Hinata thought it would snap in half. He added in a quiet, defeated voice, "I still don't get it. You broke up with me with the words, 'I'm sorry. Please don't feel bad.' Don't feel bad? What was I supposed to feel?" He looked down at her crouched form with a look of such utter loss that the twitches in her heart became so much more painful.

Now Hinata wanted more than anything to just wrap her arms around him, stroke his hair, kiss him, and whisper that no matter what, she would still love him; like she used to. But she had lost that right for what felt like a long time ago, so merely stared at her sparkler and licked her lips, trying to figure out the right words to say.

"I...didn't want to get hurt." Hinata knit her eyebrows together and pressed her lips in a thin line, "I tried nipping it at the bud."

Naruto crouched down next to her, "You thought…you thought I would hurt you?" He looked at her and gently swiped away the bangs that were falling in her eyes, "Hinata, I would never..." He trailed off and began again, "You were the most important person I had. I wouldn't dare hurt you...not at the cost of losing you."

His sparkler had now died and he ran his fingers across her cheek, collecting the tears that were dripping down and off her face. She missed his comfort and couldn't help but lean into his hand, letting him cup her cheek soothingly.

"I don't doubt for a second that you, Naruto, would ever purposely hurt me." She twirled the sparkler in her hands and watched it slowly get lower to the end, "You're too kind. But my family...they wouldn't ever allow anything more to transpire between us." It was dying now.

"If I had liked you so much, just after six months of dating I couldn't help but wonder how I would feel after several years. I think I would've broken if they made me end it with you then." It was getting harder to keep her voice steady and she stopped talking for a moment to take a deep breath and watch the sparkler finally die.

Naruto patiently waited for her and continued to wipe away tears and stroke her hair comfortingly. Finally, when she regained control over herself, she said hoarsely, "I'm so sorry...I'm sorry."

He discarded both sparkler sticks and gathered her against his chest in a hug. He rested his cheek against the top of her head and whispered teasingly, "Hm, maybe you actually are a selfish girl. Just kidding." He added after feeling her squirm in his arms after that comment and held her tighter.

"You know I'm going to become Hokage, right?" He murmured and didn't wait for her response, he didn't think she would give an answer anyways, "And your family can't oppose the Hokage."

She looked up at him expectantly, wanting him so badly to finish whatever he may be hinting at. "So if you can't bear to be with me for now...wait for me." He pressed a kiss to her closed eyes, her nose, and the corner of her lips.

Emotions rose in Hinata at a higher intensity than ever before, before they merely simmered and bubbled and the surface, but now they were exploding, making her stomach feel like it was where her heart was supposed to be, and that her heart was in her throat.

Hinata couldn't bear it. There was no way she could wait. She couldn't wait until he became Hokage. She held his face in her hands. "I think...I think can endure being with you. Maybe." She added teasingly and kissed him on the lips.

* * *

**First NaruHina I've written. I enjoyed it...but it was awkward for me.**

**Contest entry to DateMe's contest...again.**

**Ciao,**

**MissLe**


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